Eureka moment: I am Chihiro, Spirited Away

I am the kind of person who watches movies. Who really watches them not because I am bored, not because I got nothing to do. I really think that it is necessary for my well-being. Don’t get me wrong, I am not necessarily a movie buff. I just watch movies. I say that a lot and I claim still that I am not a movie buff *ahem* Watching movies just helps me think, helps me reflect, helps me understand myself more, helps me understand other people more. It is really fascinating. You should try watching movies, you know, really watch them.

Studio Ghibli films are just my type of movie that I know will come in handy in the future because its productions, though animated (and if films are animated, they are usually for kids), is filled with so much umm feels. Emotion. Let me skip topic and let us talk about this all-time favorite Studio Ghibli film of mine — Spirited Away.

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I hadn’t known then how strikingly familiar this film would be to me in the next few years.

A month ago, I decided to leave a place I considered a home and friends I have considered a family. It was not an easy decision to make but in order to grow, I needed to. It also has long been a toxic place for me where I felt my growth as a professional was restraint and I cannot live in a place where learning is void, I just can’t. I will hold myself responsible if I did not do well in this life God gave me. In this life, I get only one shot, and I will make the most out of it. Now, I am back in my hometown with a heavy heart and a bad case of sepanx (separation anxiety). I like what I am doing now, I feel like this is a job meant for a BS DevCom graduate but.

But I miss my people. I kept checking up on them via social media networks. I stayed connected through chats and text messages. I am in my hometown but my heart, I think I left it in Baguio. I am not present, I am not living in the moment at all because half the time my mind goes back to the friends that I left. I know they have their own lives to live and I have my own as well but.

I think it is time again, to decide to let go and let God.

I see some parallels in my life that is also in Spirited Away. Chihiro had a whole new family in the Spirit world. No matter how weird they were, it was the place that Chihiro felt she was most herself. She became friends with No-Face, she saved the Onsen from that stinky Kamisama. She became an instant heroine in the Onsen earning favor from the witch that governed the place. Even the Kamisama favored Chihiro. Chihiro spent her whole time running away from a place that loved her. Chihiro became another — Sen. She loved being Sen but there was always Haku to remind her of her true name, to remind her of her goal — to free her parents and finally come back home.

I love the whole character development (from scaredy cat Chihiro to a brave and kind Chihiro) but let me skip to the part where it was time for goodbye. I relate to that moment. That part where Chihiro was sad to go and leave Haku behind. She was afraid that she will forget Haku but then again Zeniba, the twin-witch said to her that “Once you meet someone, you never really forget them.”

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What baffled me that first time I watched Spirited Away was that last part when Haku told Chihiro to run towards the cave (which was some sort of portal to the mortal world) and no matter what, she must not look back. I felt like there was significance to that scene because it was full of close-ups etc, you really can feel the effort of the production to build up the emotion in that scene. Chihiro even stopped and almost turned back to check on Haku but she just shook her head and began running again towards the cave.

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But I understand now. To truly be able to return to the mortal world, Chihiro must erase all feelings of wanting to go back to the Spirit World. She will just have to keep on moving forward. I think that applies to me as well. No matter how hard, moving forward is a part of life. You will just have to hold on to that faith that we never truly forget a person we already met so we can have peace that even if we don’t look back (for now), the love that was shared is not make-believe, it was real. I think that is a bond that is hard to forget. Maybe the mind will, but the heart will not. In the last part, where Chihiro and her parents finally returned to their own world, you may notice that Chihiro did glance back. She glanced back when she knew it was safe to look back. It was okay because she has returned home.

My worry is that, in my travel to my own Spirit World, I may miss some great moments that are happening in my reality now. I think I should try to live in the present more. I should try being open to new friends, new work, new environment.

So that’s about it. That is my eureka moment. That I am Chihiro and I was spirited away.

 

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Eureka moment: I am Chihiro, Spirited Away

I’m alive! My start of the week from mini hell, my love for Hozier, and grace

So I am having a blogging block. That sucks because last week I was full of ideas and was really excited to write but then those ideas came with an expiration date, I guess that is why now what is left is just the excitement but those ideas went poof. nada!

writing block

Anyway let’s talk about my start of the week from mini hell. So just this Monday, I was chilling. Editing some designs here and there, writing some articles here and making powerpoint presentations there. It’s all good, I can do this, no sweat. But then I was having this Neville-like feeling like I forgot something important. Then this remembrall (a person, obviously) asked me if I have finished the video  that our boss assigned me to do (like, ages ago).

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Okay I know remembralls can’t spill what we forgot but in my world, they do haha sorry potterheads. ANYWAY that was the start of my mini hell cos apparently, the presentation was due on Wednesday morning. Luckily I already wrote a script and was even edited already, I only needed to apply the edits which took half of my Monday. I even stayed in the office over time to record the Narration part of the video (did I mention I am the VO? Ha! One man team FTW). The whole Tuesday was allotted for hardcore editing. Yes. Hardcore.

deadline is where I get my creative juices

I really looked like that while editing. I figured I should just leave the contacts and put on my geeky glasses cos Tuesday is reserved for hardcore editing, looking at the computer screen all day may further impair my already faulty eyes/eye sight. Tuesday was not enough, I just had to call it a day and wake up early on Wednesday to do some finishing touches and finally render the effing video.

Today is Wednesday, guess what I survived PRAISE THE LORD HALLELUJAH. I think Hozier helped managing my stress levels. Apart from the video editing, I was also editing some presentation so it was kinda hectic. I was listening to From Eden by Hozier. It was so beautiful. It made me purr. Literally. Wait– not literally, really Just, purr from the inside you know.

There were times when I don’t even want to be bothered from what I was doing so every person who would interact with me, I just gave curt answers so they’d go away. Yeaaaahhh. Hadn’t made the best choices. I was rude and I was pulling my hair for that because honestly, looking back, I did not recognize myself in there. Why oh why did I let loose my inner monster?  I don’t want to be trapped in this state of condemnation so I forced myself to think about God’s grace. I say “force” because it was not easy thinking about God when I felt so tainted. I forced myself to think about how God was the one who made me, how God was the one who saved me. He saved a wretched little thing like me so who am I to not forgive myself when God Himself said I am justified, that I am FREE, that I am beautiful and intricate and full of faults. To make the long story short, after a while, I forgave myself. I also prayed that I may find a way to make up to those people… You know it was really humiliating, how I acted, I could laugh!

Anyway that’s grace. And you know what, I made it.

I think I should get back to my assignment. Ciao!

I’m alive! My start of the week from mini hell, my love for Hozier, and grace